Daily Dad Challenge - January 2025

I've been listening to The Daily Stoic for a while now and recently bought a book from the host, Ryan Holiday. The Daily Dad.  As we go through 2025, I'll keep this updated with my brief thoughts on each day's entry/reading.

Jan 1 Thoughts

I think about how my children watch and repeat what I do. They repeat my words and actions in ways that surprise me. It's kept me from using "adult" language as much while we are in traffic. 

Jan 2 Thoughts

This entry talked about our actions at home (in private) showing the way for kids to act and behave elsewhere. Reminds me that it is my job to be the mature and calm person in the house, at all times.

Jan 3 Thoughts

This entry discussed more about showcasing the traits we want to pass on versus talking through the traits with the kids. We may get frustrated that our kids don't listen, but they do watch everything we do.  So, we need to do a better job showcasing actions. I think also, maybe I need to be a bit more vocal a bout what I am doing (in a positive way), such as saying, "I'll do this specific chore so someone else doesn't have to do it." Perhaps they hear something along those lines, trigger something to pay attention and then see me take an action that is helpful, etc.

Jan 4 Thoughts

This entry discussed how we act in times of unfortunate or negative situations, our kids see how we act during hard or difficult times. We cannot let external events change who we are or what ethical fabric we have woven. In these hard situations, it is important to showcase the appropriate way to react and why.  I talk to my two teenage girls at home about how they cannot control how other kids act at school. They cannot control the words spoken, actions taken, and so forth. Instead, they can control how they react to these things. Being a teenager is tough, but I keep preaching these words.  Hopefully they see how I act out this philosophy as well, as best as I may.

Jan 5 Thoughts

This entry discussed, or rather asked, if we are going to haunt or inspire our kids once they have left our house and once we have passed on. I think about how I am laying a foundation, and helping them build their own foundation, for life.  I think about the struggle of a butterfly to emerge from the cocoon - if not for the struggle to emerge, they could not fly.  When and how do I support my kids and when and how do I allow them to struggle  and learn?  I am often in the same scenario - how do they see me reacting to this.  In addition, what am I leaving them with when I am no longer here?  Not just a possession or money, but what part of me will linger behind to support them and not haunt them.  

Jan 6 Thoughts

This entry focused on putting pictures on my walls, pics of my kids and family. It is to remind me why I am doing the things I am doing, why do I continue to work toward success. Well, sure there is a bit of self fulfillment, but really, it is to provide and showcase to my family that I value and prioritize them.  it made me realize I need more pictures in my office of my family.

Jan 7 Thoughts

This entry discussed how our kids absorbed a lot by observation. How can we expect them to not lie or steal when we show them that we do?  More obviously, how do they learn to be a patient driver when we are not?  They watch what we do and become who we showcase they should become.  I have tried, a lot recently, to watch my language and my habits when driving, so this is a bit on point.  Not that I curse up a storm, but I have let a few words of aggravation slip and I am not a happy driver. I need to be more interested in showing them what a good driver is, rather than being angry at someone else who will never know or are how I feel.

Jan 8 Thoughts

Do I embody my values and ethics?  It seems to be a constant struggle, perhaps more so now that life seems to be in fast forward mode quite a bit and most of our lives are on display for all to see - via social media and such.  Not that we do not invite these things, but how we show and how we act our our values means a lot.  Our kids, other kids, others altogether see how we live our lives and the actions and decisions we make.  Our lives are not just our own, but a testament others review to carry forward as well.

Jan 9 Thoughts

I need to do more to let my kids be kids. Often I hold them to what my standard is, for me, and I think, this is not that bad of a standard... but it is mine, as an adult, not theirs as kids. I heard my youngest daughter singing etirely too loud the other day.  I thought, she should take it down a few notches, but then I caught myself...  let it go and let her be where she is right in this moment. Be a kid.

Jan 10 Thoughts

Instead of simply telling kids how to act, I need to show them more often.  This is a common occurance in these reflections, showing them versus telling them. 

Jan 11 Thoughts

Today's passage actually talked about being a stepfather (in a way). It talked about all the lessons we are able to share as a loving mentor, parent, and stepfather in the  case of some. When someone loves you, they look up to you and listen, even when we arent sure they are.  It is also our job as mentors, parents, and stepfathers to take the time to share life, lessons, and more with our kids, with kids in general, with others in general.  

Jan 12 Thoughts

In the excerpt for today, it highlighted a mentoring relationship between David Robinson and Tim Duncan. While it was certainly focused on showcasing actions, I also think about myself as a mentor and mentee. I have had a few really good mentors in my past, people that have shown the way and at others times done more so and discussed their life and philosophy.  I need to do more of that I believe. I have certainly had a few students that I believe I have helped, but there is always more to say and more to do.  

Jan 13 Thoughts

Today's entry discussed what type of impact you have on generations after you are gone. It mentioned the impact your grandparents had on your life, how they affected the lives of your parents, your life. It made me think about the role my grandparents had in my life first, conversations and watching and thinking about them. In one instance, what I do not want to be at all (fraternal grandfather) and another instance, what it means to have reserved resilience (fraternal grandmother - they were divorced).  Perhaps the largest affect on me were my mom's parents. She was closer to them than my Dad was to his parents.  How are my grandparents affecting my kids?  What take aways do I have from my grandparents and parents?  What am I showcasing to my kids and perhaps the kids they will surely bring into this world?  A lot to think about.

Jan 14 Thoughts

Today's entry talked about how kids learn to dislike things. It made me think a lot about food and how so many kids are picky eaters. I know there is a bit of science to this, but we raised our kids the best we  could to NOT be picky eaters. We have made it a point to eat a diversity of foods (sometimes its tough, with schedules), but we have also intentionally tried new things (and were vocal about it), just to get them use to trying things. One thing I am proud of with my kids is they are a bit more outgoing and adventurous than I am. From the clothes they wear, the things they are not afraid to do, I am glad to see (most of the time) them be more open to things.  

Jan 15 Thoughts

This entry talked about respect, wanting your kids to have it for you, as a parent. It focused on doing the things and being the person that is worthy of respect. It may sound full of myself, but I am not sure I worry about my kids respecting me, but I do wish they would listen to me more.  I realize many kids need to learn lessons on their own, to feel the burn and pain of mistakes, and so forth. Overall, I wish they would listen to the small things, things I am preparing them for - to deal with the world. I think, over time, it gets drilled in, but I wish it didn't have to be the long process.  Kids push boundaries, I need to set the boundaries and hold firm, its the dance we must do as parents and as kids, to learn the world. 

Jan 16 Thoughts

For whom do we fight for? Is it ideals, political leanings, or otherwise?  When the onion is peeled, so to speak, the core we find is our children. We fight and work for them, for their tomorrows, for their lives and happiness. We need to remember who we do this for and know they are main reason we live and we struggle day in and day out. Look at them and remember this, remember why you go to work, why you come home each night and do all the chores, why you sacrifice your nights and weekends to attend concerts and basketball games. 

Jan 17 Thoughts

Why do we lie? Often times we believe it will get us "out" of something or make us look better. Maybe it works sometimes, but, does it?  Your kids know you are lying. They are with you all the time and see it. What is worse is someone that is a hypocrite and lies.  I beleive everyone lies in some way, shape, form, or fashion. From small lies for politeness (or so we say) or large lies to help us get ahead in work, life, etc.  I have no idea when I started it, but I use to lie a lot more than I do now, but for reasons I am not sure. Maybe a protective move, but even now I find myself about to lie and I wonder why.  I cannot tell you, it baffles me. Anyhow, I catch myself and I move around it. My kids surely see that?

Jan 18 Thoughts

Being prepared to interact with people. Especially non-family, as their relationship with you is forgiveness laden, however, nonfamily is not.  Whether in a discussion, persuasion, or even in other circumstances, being prepared and ready to interact shows purpose and reminds us to be true to our morals, standards, etc. I probably need to be more careful and prepare more for certain interactions. However, the main thing I got from this entry was being intentional and know the difference in compromising versus compromising your standards and I think that takes preparation and intention.

Jan 19 Thoughts

This entry gave me a great idea actually, the "when have you seen me do that?" is a perfect little tidbit to add to my toolkit. Not that we are perfect, nobody is, but asking if I would act like the way they do, may well frame it differently.  As in, I am not just asking you to do something, but I also act in a certain way.  I think the hard aspect here is when something is or goes wrong, handling it with grace.  

Jan 20 Thoughts

I read ahead one day here, as I know tomorrow will be incredibly busy. This passage talked about showcasing the actions we want to see in our kids. Kindness, purpose, and so forth.  In January, I have seen different versions of this in the book, being a role model. To do so, we need to be intentional and good, honest and forthright.  Sometimes its hard. But as the late President Kennedy once said, we are doing this not because it is easy, but because is is hard. Raising kids is difficult and stressful.  We can make it easier in the long run by putting the effort in the short run.

Jan 21 Thoughts

The excerpt for today discussed how Bruce Springsteen saw two different things in his father and mother, how he interpreted and felt related to each. This passage specifically spoke to my heart, as I have battled thoughts about how my parents facilitated their lives and raised their kids. When I was younger I was angry we were poor. As a young adult, I was angry they continued to make bad decisions. As a young adult I wondered why some people never change. As I have grown older, I am coming to terms they had demons to fight and limitations of their own.  While I certainly will never say I am at peace with how my childhood ran its course, nor will I give a pass on some decisions and things that happened, but I can allow myself to hold those things while also believe my parents were good people and overcame and broke through some issues.  All that to say, in some ways they protected me (and my brother) from the demons they carried. I carry this forth with my kids and do my best to protect them from the demons and the past that I carry.  All of my kids are adopted, so there are certainly experiences and stories they will carry and deal with forever, but as their Dad, I do my best to show them a steady responsibility and how we can face our own issues while not allowing others to be affected. I love to see my daughters doing things I am afraid to do, honestly, it makes me smile because I feel like they are not afraid to be brave and not afraid to try. 

Jan 22 Thoughts

The passage for today emphasized that while our kids do not always listen to way we ask them to do (or not do), they absorb everything. Everything we do, everything we say, so on and so forth.  Therefore, its important to show and BE the person you want them to be.  Be the person you want them to be!  It is hard for me in some ways.  The ways it is easy, is I don't want them putting blame on others for things within their control.  I show and speak to this a lot. Is it okay to have a moment of "poor pitiful me" - sure, but it is not okay to blame and let the ongoing attitude of someone else is always the problem. I also show what it means to put the work in.  This one is hard because I want to provide things for my kids and I want to see them happy and smile, but I also want them to appreciate and understand the work it takes to get something, somewhere.  On the other hand, I want my kids to be something more than what I am. Its a tough place to be, to watch your kids with their trials, pitfalls, shortcomings, and more as they traverse through their life.  Some things you can certainly show up to, others you have to simply show an philosophy of "this too shall pass" - right?

Jan 23 Thoughts

This passage was sharing something I have heard many times over, that you have to show your kids, less lecturing. It is, at times, difficult to really refrain from lecturing some times. On a rough morning with the kids, going into a short Dad lecture seems to happen. I think, what I try to do is live up to the lecture a bit and make it a point to keep lectures as short as possible. Sometimes it is hard, but I need to keep showcasing.

Jan 24 Thoughts

This passage was reminding me that our kids watch and listen to what we are saying and doing.  We do instill in them the things we hope to see, but they see all of it.  If we want them to focus on doing good in the world, then we also must do  good in the world.  If we want them to be frugal, we must be frugal. Walk the walk.

Jan 25 Thoughts

This passage was highlighting ideas related to deterring our kids. We set up rules and codes of conduct and we have punishments set up if they don't follow.  In some ways those are fine, but kids also watch us to determine what is a healthy way of doing things.  I think about screen time with this.  We want our kids to have less screen time, yet they see me checking social media or emails after dinner. What a bummer in more ways than one!

Jan 26 Thoughts

Well, first, I learned a bit about FDR that I honestly did not know, he had multiple affairs during his marriage.  While he certainly helped do great things in our world, apparently he was a person that struggled elsewhere.  Beyond that, the passage talked about showcasing what a good marriage is for your children. No relationships will be without difficult times, but showcasing respect, love, and doing the work. Our kids will grow up to be in relationships of their own, and how did they learn to be in those relationships?  Who will they look to and talk to?  Us.

Jan 27 Thoughts

I like that this passage talked about Socrates. The focus was being a parent, a teacher, throughout all aspects of our lives. This is not to say we are lecturing at all times, but fill the role you are in throughout the day, throughout the interactions, throughout it all. Kids, and others, will find times to watch you and listen to you, sometimes when you are not ready to be "on" so to speak.  Know that you are a parent at all times, not just when you get off work until you go to bed.

Jan 28 Thoughts

This passage was discussing the importance of showing your kids what a good work ethic is. What is important, the things (tablets, phones) you give them or the kid you raise into a functional adult? My kids kind of know what I do, but as I have grown older and my responsibilities have shifted, so has how I interact with my job and work and my homelife. I let them know when I had a long day or it was a full day of meetings. I let them see me working in my home office and at the dinner table at times. I try to walk a careful line of letting them know how hard I am working and why I am doing it, but limiting my complaints.  That part gets hard at times, but because they are disconnected from my job in a way, me complaining falls on deaf ears. However, they see that I take my job seriously and I work at my job. I tell them why my job in important and show them how my job makes our life possible.  Could it be better? Yes.  Could it be much worse? Certainly.

Jan 29 Thoughts

Oh, I really liked this entry.  The focus was looking in the mirror.  We often complain or have strong opinions about things out in the world yet we would never want those standards overlaid on our own lives. Hypocrisy. Of course, we all find ourselves doing this at times, but I really do make it a point to ensure my carefulness to critique.  One aspect that I find hard is the actions of religious people around me, where their words and actions do not align.  It is quite easy to say, hey, look at those hypocrites! I try to make sure that I talk to my kids about walking the walk, instead of just talking the talk.  Am I perfect? Absolutely not.  However, I want to point out to them the importance of following our own standards.  

Jan 30 Thoughts

This entry hit home a bit hard, as I have two teenage daughters at home still.  It talked a bit about how raising kids is difficult, especially when they are this age, but they (kids) are doing most of the work.  Being a teenager is difficult and growing up is hard.  There is so much to figure out and do, all while your body is going through major changes and your brain is developing and changing.  I know I need to do a better job at telling them they are doing a good job in growing up.  It is a bit funny, because a small piece of me also doesnt want them to grow up.  I love them as they are and my heart aches about the world they are growing in.  Nonetheless, I need to do better at saying and showing I appreciate the work they are doing as they grow up.

Jan 31 Thoughts

This was a good entry to wrap up January.  Our kids are watching and learning from us, not just during their youth (up to 18), but also through their adult years. We never stop being parents. How we parent may change, how we interact and what we do may change, but we are still parents. We are still showing them a way of life. We still have a chance to make a difference.